He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
