The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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