Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
