i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
