Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
