dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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