dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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