my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
