I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
