I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
