Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
