dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
