I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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