One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
