i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
