I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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