I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
