Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Even my vagina gasped.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
