I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
