update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
