READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
