She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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