I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
