I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
