There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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