Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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