Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want her autograph on my taint
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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