dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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