Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
