Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
