The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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