i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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