On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
