i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
