Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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