She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
