Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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