your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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