yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
