paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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