She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Welp...herpes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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