weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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