I just saw a hot homeless man
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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