I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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