i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
