i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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