Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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