shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
