11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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