I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
