i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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