a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
