I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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