she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
