So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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