Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the liver wants what the liver wants
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
