Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
