i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
