He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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