I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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