Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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