So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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