what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
