you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
