we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
