Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its about making memories worth repressing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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