I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
