I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
