I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
