trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
