in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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