Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
