Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
