he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize