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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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